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Wed, Jul. 19th, 2017, 01:03 pm
Big journal day, third entry this week! what is up with that?!

Life is GOOD, so generally that means for me that I don't need to write anything in here, you know? I go long stretches without any words. I don't know what is different right now, except that I am happy and feeling in Love, feeling accepted. No complaints, this girl is 'just right' I will likely go on and on about her forever since it seems improbable that we would ever be apart, right? RIGHT? Its been over 2 months now since I have started staying with her, haven't slept in my own bed for that long. I moved my computers and bedding over to her place. It's becoming OUR place now. It's really exciting to build this life with her. I have no worries for the first time in my life. We are equals in almost every way, like twins separated at birth and both trans* I just didn't think I'd ever find her, didn't expect to fall in love with a T girl either.
I mean I tried - see previous entries with Juli or Terra... those relationships were incredibly toxic and taught me about toxicity. I don't have any contact with them anymore - thankful.
It also seems that Lily and I have done things in our lives on the same timeframes. She has dated other T girls and it was awful. She tried dating boys and that was not really for her either.
our surgery dates are close together, divorce dates, birth dates, etc.
anyway, words to tell you that I am deeply in love with a woman named Lily Star.
Tonight I have massage, then afterwards Lily is making shrimp fettucine from scratch and we will watch an old episode of Doctor Who. Love my life

Tue, Jul. 18th, 2017, 11:16 am
Another great day to be alive on this planet

So I'm going to Galaxy Far Away Fest this weekend, with lily, in the bus! I will try to dress up like some character from Star Wars or the like. I have some things.. but what I want to wear is my cape! 'll probably just do it, and it will be fun.
We are getting closer to having the solar panels complete on the bus. Drilled a hole for the wires and got them hooked up to the controller. Tonight we will build the frame and put it on top of the bus and fasten it to the rails. Should be done for this weekend. I think we'll roll up some nice fatties to share with everyone that wants some. speaking of that, we went to a different pot shop last night, 'puff n chill', it was really pretty inside with the wood paneling and the bay windows, and they have a reward program! I got some Artizen sour D, so yummy.
Also I found some new tracks last night, most of them either from Burning Man or Katermukke. SO GOOD! David Hohme and Dirty Doering - love what you do to my groove thang.
Music has wormed its way back into my soul, and I love it! Lily and I have been listening to DJ sets non stop for about 2 weeks so far and probably will forever.
also, Lily and I went to Seattle on Saturday to see DJ EASE ( Nightmares on Wax ) and holy cow was it good, like the theme music from inside of my dreams. Best DJ show I have been to at Nectar. Lily loved it too. We danced for 3 hours straight. I can't wait to do that again.

Fri, Jul. 14th, 2017, 10:17 am
This weekend with Lily

Fri, Jul. 14th, 2017, 09:35 am
WHAT?! A New Post?

Dear Journal, thank you for still being here for me, even after all these years and so much changes. The last time I wrote in here I was espousing about my hawaiian girlfriend, and going to Hawaii... which was very fun actually but so much has happened since then! WHERE DO I START? well lets just throw some stuff out there;
hawaiian girlfriend (Laura) dumped me at BURNING MAN... which was scary and sad and amazing at the same time. BURNING MAN!!!
a few days after I returned I jumped back on the horse and tried dating a few people, one of which lived in Eugene and we ended dating for a few months, almost bought a house together... then disappeared on me. I was so heartbroken but I didn't give up and went on 18 first dates in one year... the girl that triumphed in all that is Sarah and we dated for 8 months, until she dumped me to get back together with her previous trans boyfriend, breaking my heart and will in the process... but Sarah told me that my true love was coming and she wasn't it... I didn't believe her at all, wanted to give up and join the circus, BUT incredibly met the most amazing lady of all (LILY) and we fell in love the first night we met at McMenamins. We have been inseparable ever since - I have been staying with her every night too, waking up to that beauty is the best part of my life so far. Can't wait to see where we go, we are so alike (she is trans as well) and have the same brain, the same music tastes, love to smoke weed, has great taste in cars and clothes, is part hippy, has a camper schoolbus, is sexy as hell and I am just the happiest girl in the world when i am with her. We have been wearing engagement rings for the past month too...
so that is an overview of the past couple YEARS of my life so much has happened but i am the same person.

Mon, Jan. 19th, 2015, 11:45 am
No doubt that miracles happen.

I witnessed a miracle yesterday; Seahawks putting 15 pts up in 44 seconds- Lightning! then to win in OT. I was screaming and crying with mom, it was amazing! I still can't believe it that we are going to the big dance again in February. Cried and cried tears of joy. I am not even the biggest football fan; the seahawks over the past 2 years have become everyone's favorite, girls included. I can't recall ever seeing so many girls at the games or at the bars cheering them on. Its a miracle.
This was such a great weekend! I went to lunch with Rachel on Saturday at the Tasters wok and discovered that she is also trans! i am so surprised that I hadn't figured that out before. I gained a really wonderful friend and support system by meeting her. I am grateful to OK cupid (again) for bringing positive change for my life, in spades. She is so lucky, was able to keep her wife and her wife is training to do electrolysis for her. I had those dreams with Tracy, I will always wish that it had worked out for us.
Anyway, its too late for that, and I have more wonderful friends in my life now that I would not have ever had if I would have stayed with Tracy. I would not have ever met Laura... oh I can hardly wait to see Laura again.
also I am getting my Burning Man tickets in the next month! woot!

Thu, Jan. 15th, 2015, 08:43 am
Houses of the Holy

I can't remember a time before where I was anxiously awaiting the sun rising earlier and summer. This winter hasn't been terrible, I don't understand. At least I have some things in the near future to look forward to; Hawaii for one. Burning Man for another.
Anyway, tonight will be exceptional; I'm going to Ill-Esha with Jeff and Lisa.
we can watch the white doves go...
Hawaii.. oh my, it's going to be such an adventure with Laura. I can only imagine what her place is like. What I'm most excited with is exploring the island with her, although she is likely familiar with most of it. Maybe I can find something that is new to her? it is only 36 days away.
It's another day at work, almost to 25 years.

Wed, Nov. 12th, 2014, 10:13 am
SF and OKC

New day, different feelings, different thoughts. So I went to San Francisco over the weekend. It was awesome, I stayed with Cynthia. We had so much fun, I ate my way across the city and into Berkeley. It was so warm and pretty i cant wait to return. I got back Monday night.
Last week before I left, I started talking to this wonderful woman named Robin. She is a PI and lives in renton. We wrote for a couple days straight and talked on the phone. I was in stars. I wanted to meet up with her on thursday night at nectar.. i had plans with J and Lisa to see Wax Tailor... so she had to go to portland all of a sudden so I missed her. And she had said that we could meet up this week when I return... only thing is she wont reply to me anymore. And she took down her OKC profile... so I am sad. I really wanted to meet her.
on the bright side, I did get a note from Ellie May on Monday night! she said she was sick and her father passed away is why I didnt get to see her and didnt get replies for 5 weeks!!! FIVE.
I am feeling like this dating BS is just that. I really want to have a good relationship, and its SO HARD to meet someone nice with integrity. It makes me feel crazy.

Tue, Oct. 21st, 2014, 08:29 am
These 5

SO there are 5 girls that are vying for my attention right now, and I'm making notes to help me keep track.
First there is Tracy... she lives in Burien, is 5-3, has incredibly long arm hair. has a job doing some type of marketing, spends a lot of time with her family. Is okay looking, not gorgeous, but she is nice enough.
second is Rachel, she lives in Mukilteo, works at boeing, has a motorcycle, might be married, works second shift. likes to go bike riding. Is moderately pretty but I only have a couple photos. She is also my same age.
Third is Zap, I dont know her real name yet, she is 56? lives in Hawaii, but travels all the time to this area, has lived in san francico, is generally quite worldly, has a home in hawaii and I dont know what she does for work but may be retired. She is quite pretty for being 10 years older than I.
and then there is Julianne, the one that K cheated on me with but doesnt see anymore. She is really cute, a little bigger but shorter than I, has a good job, has a nice family that she spends a lot of time with, likes good food, etc. I talk to these 4 every day right now.
And then Sara, whom I chose as my friend one night at the anchor pub. She just clicked with me. She is young, maybe 32? irish - mexican, has 2 young kids, has dated women, but is currently dating some guy... he isnt around all the time.
I talk to her every day. we are going to the movies this week, she is the most promising to me so far. She is really cute too and knows sign language.
I dont know what happened to Ellie May,
She seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth, sad.

Thu, Jun. 5th, 2014, 01:04 pm
Mothers day - I am done with you!

Well most everything has been fucked up lately. Ever since mothers day i have been fighting with K (or not fighting actually, as ive been getting the silent treatment) up until yesterday when i finally got a reply to the million notes i sent, but said she was too busy to talk, will call later... which turned out was still too busy... but i digress, i have been feeling sad and broken without her, like that part of me died. I got kicked out of her place on may 7 before moms day as she was upset that i was going to see my mom on her day - sunday. She was invited to come along, but this wasn't good enough for her as (i think) she expected me to wait on her all day. I don't understand that at all, and i told her she wasn't my mom and i needed to go see mine. SO, she insulted me over and over again. I told her i am sorry and i am going to go until you are more sensible. She sent me some more hateful notes when i got home, but said she was 'done' with me (she has said this before) so i felt really awful, tried to apologize, was still really upset and hurt... and this has gone on now for almost a month. I try to talk with her everyday. miss her like crazy.

Tue, Apr. 8th, 2014, 01:25 pm
and in the summer we shall...

So this week is going to be relaxing and normal (!) compared to the last month of crazy, traveling, packing and moving, teaching kids how to drive, etc; i am so ready to chill with the kittens and watch some good tv, build some Lego, spring clean the babe-pad. Last night I started to watch 'Bates Motel' which is quite good, i can tell its shot in BC Canada, and i like that about it. Its a good one so far, only watched 3 episodes. Ive been catching up on the Walking Dead, which may be one of the best shows ever... (mind you i love zombies and survival horror) and playing some good old PS3 too.
The weather is finally starting to improve here so i can get my cars clean and have some fun with the charger now that the sun is still out when i get home from work!
I'm working on some plans for the summer today since i have the eagle vision to do so. Going to Roslyn for a day at least, in early June to explore, look at the town and have a drink at the Brick. I'm wanting to go to San Francisco again soon, maybe in july? it will be hot but oh so nice. I know that the legal weed stores here in WA open in July too, so am planning some kind of weed/bakery tour of the eastern half of this state with the Empress... Summer is almost here!

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