sodium sparkle vixen sulfate
Thu, Nov. 7th, 2013, 12:49 pm
Its so obvious that mercury is screaming round the sun backwards today. What a frustrating day, with things within things wrong, and i'm feeling that there are too many people, too much intrusion... need to hide under the covers and not let anyone in for a day. I am getting a bunch of texts from D asking me to fly out to NY in january with Lisa and Jeff for his birthday, too much money that i dont have and I dont know if i will be able to come up with it. Lisa is likely to be able to go, so even thinking about a trip with just her and D is crazy within itself! at least its assumed no one will be cracked out on stuff.. i dont know, i have to get through the holidays first!
and im still getting over this cold its been a week. I am taking dayquil still and wishing that i could just breathe easy at this point.
K has been odd this week too, not so unusual for her, but still odd. i got kicked out last saturday night for having a tokie in the garage after she went to bed... last night matt and i had a bowl right in front of her while we were fixing his truck hood and she didnt seem to mind... its confusing.
ok so the good things this week; Yesterday i got to meet Vernice Armour, "Fly Girl' - the first african american female combat helicopter pilot and she is so cool and inspiring! i got her book signed, would love to hear more stories from her and hope that high energy she has rubs off on me, i could use some positive vibes right now.
I do love Dodge Chargers... I've actually owned 4 in my life including these two.
Its true that October is nearing its end and the fog (Super Fog) has been relentless in its quest to make me feel penned-in, cabin-fever for the past week. The best things in life take time to fully realize, or materialize. I focus on what my life desires for improvement... sometimes its something as trivial as new washclothes... sometimes its a vacation that is necessary. The focus changes every day, sometimes with the weather. Ive noticed since its been so foggy, that my body wants to sleep, to clean the nest, store nuts for the winter. If the sun breaks the fog and comes out, I tend to think about things that I can go do, or travel to san francisco, or some lovely dish to prepare that is spanish or italian. "the weather changes moods" is always true. K's son, Matt got into a huge fight with K earlier this week and put most of the plans for the Dia De Los Muertos party in jeopardy as they are both stubborn about things in general. I was doing my best damage control for them both, and got Matt to apologize to k so that he could come help with setting things up for the party. The truth is that K never apologizes even when she is clearly the one who is at fault. I would like to help her learn how to recognize that, and help her to be able to apologize when appropriate (something she prolly never learned as a child).
tonight im indulging in some self-care and getting my hair colored and cut! im very excited about it.
this is such a beautiful place, and so close to my work and home that I can be here everyday if i choose.
I took yesterday off from work and did other things like: went to breakfast at Wendys cafe in everett with K, it was really good and a bit cheaper than totem. I would go back- the only down side is they have a small menu - not many choices. I had pancakes and sausage, and then got all the toast and hashies from K since she is on a no carb diet. Tasted like home. Later i went to the beach with the puppy and the light was incredible once the sun came out. It made everything so bright and fall-like i will try to add photos. I had a really good day as i needed it - been feeling too 'put-upon' by others lately and without reciprocal appreciation makes it difficult to keep the smile on.
After the beach, i went over to K's to help with some day of the dead altar stuff, then once finished hanging all sorts of flowers and lights i finally got to watch an episode of 'agents of s.h.i.e.l.d', and loved it! so great to see all of Joss' recurring actors again - also 'much ado about nothing' was great for the same reason.
Makes me want to watch "firefly' and 'angel' again...and again.
Oh what else have i done since tuesday? I managed to wash the Charger- she was really dirty - for black paint I need to wash her every week. This really helped me to feel accomplished.
I also got a new pair of cute tall black boots and some blue skinny jeans - it seems like it has been forever since I had 'new' clothes. Been going to goodwill a lot lately to save money or because the 'new' stuff is horrible looking or too expensive.
a highlight - A brought over some (killer) 'Dutch Treat' which is my favorite strain... can't wait until december!!! when I can just walk in a buy it off the shelf.
I'm realizing that I have had to struggle to accomplish much of anything for myself lately, which is likely a result of feeling sad about so many things... am working hard to pull myself out of that, and return to the 'bold' 'adventurous' 'amusing' me.
in one of my dreams last night, I was listening to Pink Floyd 'wish you were here'... two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...
Wed, Oct. 16th, 2013, 10:46 am
how are you?
today i am wishing at least one person asks me 'how are you'? as it is i am feeling so un appreciated and taken advantage of by *most* people in my life... I'd love to feel more included in things and not just someone that you can ask to do whatever it is that you dont want to do.
Universe please bring people in my life that are appreciative and helpful to me. thank you very much.
Tue, Oct. 15th, 2013, 01:19 pm
I am grateful that it is already Tuesday and I am taking tomorrow off from work... just to have fun with jeff! Dont even know what we are going to do? it's going to be sunny, and i have free movie tickets and a desire to get really wasted. hmmm.
let's see, this month so far has been rickety weird. I've been avoiding K as much as possible, which has helped immensely. I just dont have the energy or desire to struggle with her anymore. I've been working on taking care of me for once.
last night I picked up the best pizza, South Lake, and went over to Michelle's to feed her cats and eat some pizza, watch some teevee. it was glorious! oh that pizza place is so damn good! probably for the best its not closer to me.
work is driving me crazy lately as is all the government BS thats going on- all theatre -
and it seems like its been this way for awhile now. constant churn and consternation.
I need a vacation! am thinking of San Francisco or maybe LA.
It’s been a pain in the neck week literally and figuratively. SO a week ago was K’s birthday, and I made a bunch of plans before and after for her. No one else did. The first party, going to El paraiso for dinner and then dancing at Bar Myx went well, although none of her friends showed up… but whatever, I was there, right? Then Sunday, we had the big tye-dye party at Debs, which was supposed to be K’s party too, but she couldn’t bear the thought of sharing a birthday with Mark, so I had to plan some for just her. Anyway, as we were leaving Debs, she starts arguing with me about everything, about how I shouldn’t have left her by the car when I was called back to say hello to marks sister, I shouldn’t have taken marks mint tin gift as it made K think that mark was lying about it and that mark and I have ‘something going on’ which we don’t. All I got were insults and berated all the way across the tressel into Everett, and we were going to get fried chicken and go home to hang out with her kids, but no. She wanted to go home right away didn’t want anything more to do with me etc. I wont give my heart to anyone who so easily gives up on my ever again. So Monday rolls around and we carpool and she is still being harsh, for some reason comes, by my place earlier than we leave usually… and then calls me to see if I’m ready for work yet (I’m not) so hangs up on me, and leaves me without a way into work. I was supposed to drive that day. So I walked in.
I had plans later to take her older kid shopping for her birthday and get birthday dinner the next evening. She had said the night before that she didn’t want anything to do with me, no birthday dinner, no nothing, so I didn’t know what to do? I was going to make dinner for her. Then I let her son know that we possibly weren’t going shopping at all, and he told her that which then made her super mad and she texted me telling me that I was horrible and shouldn’t involve her son and that I should have already bought the presents for her kids to give her (!?) and that was that.
So… me being the kind person I am, did go shopping and bought her all the presents she wanted from the kids and I and then got her dinner… I spent all the money I had too. I showed up after work on her birthday to her son freaking out because she had locked herself in her bedroom, was crying and didn’t want to see anyone. This is not a good situation at all, so I dropped the stuff off. I wasn’t going to deal with the hysterics anymore – hysterics for no reason – a birthday?? OMG!!
Anyway, so she has pretty much ignored me completely for a week so far and been really mean and spiteful each time I try to talk with her – I’ve even apologized for something that I didn’t even do. I think she has flipped her wig. I also realized that I have had this pain in my neck for awhile, it comes and goes, but it has gone the past week since we haven’t been talking.
Weird how those things manifest in the physical. I learned today that being ignored is the same chemical reaction as being physically hurt. Yep.
In other GTA news, since I have had a lot of extra time to play, im currently at the first heist mission and dating ‘nikki’.
argh i forgot how easy LJ eats written posts. well that was fun. thanks good ole LJ! i had abobut 1000 words written. gone.
anyway... Birthday party for Kris this weekend, yay. hope i can afford it! and don't have to charge it, as she doesn't seem to understand that i am not a rich girl like she is.
friends, love them so much and the ones that understand that are priceless.
5 hours with this last night;
TRULY EPIC; I can't wait to go back later.
First day was Sunday, I got a bmx bike and rode all the way into Harmony and watched the sun come up.
Monday: I wandered around Sandy Shores then rode up to the Lighthouse, up to Mount Gordo and then raced back down into Grapeseed in the early hours of Tuesday morning.
Tuesday: In Grapeseed, I found a boat and ventured out into the Alamo Sea (see photo) listened to Smokey Robinson all day. Later, I headed west to Lago Zancudo through the whitewater rapids, into the Pacific and then down to Chumash.
Wednesday: I picked up a SUV in Chumash, and drove it back into Los Santos to get a haircut, and then went to see Simeon.
All in all an epic few days!
I did hang out with Lamar, and Chops. Took Chops for a walk. Fun stuff. He likes to play ball on the freeway, that's one lucky dog!